Hi, my name is Nadine and I am not a compulsive overeater. In fact, I don’t even think about food anymore. But for over 20 years food was the main focus of my life. Food was먹튀검증사이트 my savior, my comfort factor, my friend and worst enemy. Or so I thought.
Why do I want to write my story and share my personal details with the world? Because I have something important to say and I have learned that without speaking about healing binge eating disorder others who suffer from it might stay that way forever when they truly don’t need to.
My experience with eating disorders started with anorexia when I was 16 years old. Growing up I had always been self-conscious about my body even though I was of normal height and weight. But being “normal” doesn’t make a hill of beans if you don’t feel it on the inside. That’s just the outside. My grandmother used to tell me I would be fat if I ate those “bad” foods and those thoughts were the start of an unhealthy view of food. I adopted her belief that I would become fat so I feared food and I feared becoming fat.
As I got older I kept an unhealthy relationship with food at an arms length. I married at 22 and had my first baby at 25. At 27, I left my husband. I chose not to live a life filled with deception and corruption which is what my husband had gotten into. He was embezzling money from the police department he worked for and was blaming me for it. I couldn’t believe this man that said he loved me would do something so wrong and blame me for it. Did he ever really love me?
Even though I was 3 months pregnant with my second baby, I took my 2 year old and left with a broken heart. He didn’t care about me, my 2 year old or my unborn child and my self-esteem hit rock bottom. In the three weeks that followed, I lost my job, I lost my grandfather, I lost my marriage and I lost my unborn child. My life would never be the same.
At first I used food as consolation. I had lost just about everything in my life that was important to me and food seemed to soothe my soul. I was depressed, angry, sad, hurt, and desolate. A few months had passed and I started to put myself back together for the sake of my daughter. I started exercising and dieting because in my twisted mind I thought that no man would want me unless I looked like a skinny model from a magazine. I was 27 years old, getting divorced and had a 2 year old. Who wants to get involved with that?
I started starving myself and compulsive exercising and the weight just melted off my body. Of course so did my muscles and immune system. But I didn’t care because my body was responding to the control I wanted to have over it. I couldn’t control what was going on in my life but I sure could control my own body.